Send to KindleMany of the solo professionals I work with are stuck, and that stuck place (often a limiting belief) is hurting their personal and/or business life. It’s my job to find the stuck place and help that person see the down-stream effects of staying stuck. Sometimes, one experience can impact and confine us in ways we don’t even realize until an “outsider” points it out.
Let’s consider Patty, who had an asthma attack when she was 10 years old after being near some cigar smoke. (This is not a made up story, by the way.) Patty never wanted that to happen again. The feeling of her throat closing up and her muscles straining for oxygen scared Patty, as it would most of us. Way back then, something in herself or in her environment pointed Patty into fear that never has been let go of. She could have been scared over the asthma attack but, with reassurance, let it go. Instead, Patty set out to control her environment and make sure that never happened to her ever again.
By the time Patty was 16, she had opted out of summer camps for fear of being around camp fire smoke. At 17, she decided not to take her senior trip because she knew some of her class would sneak a smoke on the back of the bus. In college, she didn’t join a sorority and she roomed alone, fearful that she would be around sorority sisters who would smoke.
By the time Patty was 30, she had limited herself from ever wearing perfumes, ever having fresh flowers or live plants of any kind in her home, or using candles. Her limiting belief that she would have another asthma attack had spread from fear of smoke to fear of any odor at all, good or bad. Her constant statement was that she was “highly allergic” and had to stay away from people, places, and things that might set off an asthma attack. By now, that attack was 20 years old, but the limiting belief that she could control it ever happening again paralyzed her.
Patty is smart. She earned a college degree and then got a Master’s degree. But she studied for her Master’s online and at home, for fear of being out in the world. She worked for a small firm for many years, limiting her income, because she knew that the other 3
people would cater to her fears, agreeing to forego fresh flowers, perfume, smoking.
I could go on with this story, for Patty is now almost 60 years old and I still see the many ways she has limited her income and her personal life with the limiting belief that smelling any odor at all will set off another attack. She has lived her life for 50 years in fear of something that happened only once, and in the belief that she can control it ever happening again.
Maybe you are shaking your head in disbelief. The thing is that we ALL do this. Perhaps we limit ourselves in more subtle, less dramatic ways. But then again, perhaps not. Here’s a quick exercise for you. Sit down right now and list out all the things you have passed on in your business, for fear they would not work out. Give yourself five full minutes to really think about the things you’ve said no to, and why. I’d bet if you shared this list with a friend or your biz coach you’d realize that your past experiences have limited your current success in ways that you never even realized! The question for you today is this…..how has refusing to let go of old experiences and beliefs cost you money?
In a few weeks, I’m interviewing neuroscientist Sandi Smith, who is an expert at seeing how our fears block our fortunes. You are welcome to join in on the call, to register (it’s free) click here.
Twitter: ellenmkramer
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Great article! I can definitely identify with this. I have pretty extreme perfectionism issues so I try to avoid making mistakes or repeating mistakes at all cost. In the last few years I started making an effort to let go of that. I realized it was holding me back in business and life. Still working on it, but I’m definitely making progress!
Thanks so much for sharing!
Ellen Martin
Twitter: KatherineCHE
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Lucky Patty that she has found you to help her!! I think we all have limiting beliefs of various kinds. I’ve found I shed them in layers. A flower that can help with that is the common Periwinkle (vinca minor). I have an inexpensive meditation on my site that you can download to help you release your limits http://www.katherineche.com/periwinklelettinggo.aspx XO, Katherine
Life Blossoming Systems
Sue – Great topic and great article! I think one of the challenges is that we start off life thinking we can do (or be) almost anything and then most formal modern education systems (and many well meaning family members) spend the next 15-20 years sucking that out of us and conditioning us to be “normal”, safe and boring…
Great tips and observations and I look forward to getting together at CBI!
Phil
I love your “suck it out of us and we become normal, safe, and boring.” SO TRUE! People will pull us to do what THEY are comfortable with us doing!
Sue P.
Sue, thanks for sharing an important element that can impede our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual growth. I see women all the time who allow pain from their past to be the “excuse” as to why they cannot earn more, have more, be more. I’ve used the Hawaiian practice of “Ho’oponopono” to overcome many things that have happened in my life. It has given me the freedom to let go of so much that could have held me back. I love your suggestion to make a list of ll the things I have passed on in my business, for fear they would not work out. Thanks again!
In the spirit of aloha,
~Yvonne
Looking forward to learning more about Ho’oponopono from you, Yvonne!
Sue P.
One word: WOW. What a powerful story to illustrate something we ALL do (often without knowing it): sabotage our success. As my yoga teacher says: “look the tiger in the eye.” Yes, look fear in the face and DO IT ANYWAY.
Thanks for the powerful reminder.
Jenny,
I totally love the practice of “look the tiger in the eye.” Sometimes I get incredibly sad when I work with people who won’t even look at the tiger’s tail, LOL!
Sue P.
Twitter: uqpower
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Great article and post Sue.
It is so true that we ALL do this. I am going to sit down and list out all the things you have passed on in your business, for fear they would not work out on my plane ride over to the USA for CBI!
I look forward to your interview with neuroscientist Sandi Smith, who is an expert at seeing how our fears block our fortunes.
Cheers
Heidi Alexandra
The Living Leader’s Advocate
I’m looking forward to seeing you again at CBI, Heidi. Smooth ride over!
Sue Painter
Twitter: everywomanovr29
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Great example Sue, of how powerful the mind is – and how we can use it to limit ourselves AND to succeed
Twitter: mitchtublin
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Sue,
Thanks for writing on this subject. Mental control and how we handle it. Mitch
Great topic. I agree there are so many limits we put on ourselves. I used to have a rapid heart beat condition that limited my exercise ability. It’s been fixed and i still think I shouldn’t exercise and worry I will get the irregular heatbeats again even though the problem has been surgically corrected. It’s all mental!
Linda,
Winnicott has this marvelous quote about the thing we most fear in life has already happened. It’s the letting go of energetic imprint of the event that truly sets us free, not the immediate survival in the moment.
Sue P.
The trick is to take the positive lesson, and leave the limiting belief behind. Powerful stories, all of you, thank you for sharing.
Twitter: Chiropractic Hand & Foot Clinics Of America
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Sue,
I have personally experienced some of Sandi’s work. You all are in for a real treat!
Dr. Robert Fenell
Repetitive Strain Injuries
Sometimes whether we stay stuck in our limiting beliefs has to do with how the people we are around reinforce those beliefs. I’m a firm believer in having positive support around me and finding people who aren’t afraid to call me on those limiting beliefs that I can’t even see in myself.
it is amazing how our belief systems run our lives as long as we remain their servants
Wow! What a powerful story. Isn’t it something how one incident like that can linger for a lifetime.
Sandy Rees
Wow. Really something to think about. I’m sure my own limitation has something to do with what Linda Pucci wrote about recently … and my response to that post:
http://innerresourcecenter.blogspot.com/2010/07/you-become-what-you-think.html
In my response, I mentioned how I am still waging war with how I’ve been trained to think about time … a limiting way of thinking. I’m actually beginning to win this war … but still a way to go.
Great story Sue! I can certainly relate to this and have found myself missing out by allowing these beliefs to overtake my mind.
Thanks for bring this life-crippling belief to our attention.
Twitter: getunstuck
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This is a great illustration of how limiting beliefs can impact us. Once we form a belief (this applies to all beliefs, and all of us), we look for evidence to prove ourselves right. We ignore evidence to the contrary, distort evidence to fit our belief, and generalize from one situation where the belief might be true to other situations. Then often the beliefs go unconscious, so we aren’t even aware of it anymore. It is like a bad computer virus, chugging away below the surface messing up our system. Great article and exercise, Sue!