Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who exited his job by way of the emergency chute on the flight he was working, has set a new standard for reacting to a work situation that is tense and, in the moment, unbearable. Slater got a lot of press, some positive and some negative. Media coverage is good, even when it’s controversial – it will help you find followers and make you sales. But the bottom line for Slater is that his JetBlue job is over.
As an entrepreneur, you can’t afford to pull the emergency chute and escape when a customer has gotten under your skin. Here’s a few ways to avoid “pulling the chute” and blowing up your work with a customer who has gotten on your very last nerve.
- Remove yourself from the on-going drama by stepping away, but don’t go so far as to pull the emergency chute. If you’re in person, excuse yourself and go to the back of the room, the restroom, or the other end of the table. The key here is to physically move before you feel so threatened that in that moment you literally will do ANYTHING to get away, no matter the consequences. If you are on the phone, you can use your emergency exit script, which should go something like this, “I want to settle this disagreement in a way that is respectful to us both, but I can’t do that right now. I’m going to hang up to give myself time to think objectively, and I’ll be back in touch. Goodbye.”
- Close your mouth. By the time you’re totally over it, what comes out of your mouth won’t be anything worth repeating. I suspect that once Slater held forth, he got to a point that he realized his only way out was the chute. One way to stop talking is to train yourself to take a sharp, deep breathe in through your nose, and blow it out through your mouth. You can’t breath like this and talk at the same time. Really, you can’t – try it! When you are appalled and angry, it’s natural to sharply take in your breath. So you’re going to do that anyway. Just train yourself to blow that breath out through your mouth, like a big “ha”. Breathing out a big “ha!” instead of giving voice to a string of words that escalate the situation (no matter they may be well-deserved), protects you. It keeps you from getting to the point that you feel threatened, which is when your reptile brain takes over and common sense goes out the door. Do this, and you’ll find that after the first sharp inhale and “ha” exhale, the second and third are much easier. You probably won’t need more than 3 or 4. Your head will clear, you’ll feel calmer, and your brain will be refreshed by the new and better oxygen supply.
- Decide later where to go from here. It may be that you will want to fire this customer from your business. I don’t preach not to fire customers, although some marketing experts will advise against it. I understand why, because negative word of mouth about an entrepreneur typically spreads faster than positive word of mouth. But I’m hoping that you’ve already carried out the first two steps, and that puts you on an entirely different path. Along with removing yourself and closing your mouth, you’ve created better options than blowing up and disappearing down a sliding chute. You now have time to think objectively about whether to end the relationship. Let’s say that you are so turned off that you never want to sell to this customer again. You’ve now positioned yourself to “save it but end it” rather than blowing it to tiny pieces. You can end it in a way that respects both you and the customer, and that will likely prevent the customer carrying out a negative word of mouth campaign. Your goal is to end the relationship without hurting your business, and deciding later helps you to do that. Everyone cools off, and a space opens up for better possibilities than ending it with drinks in hand, heading southward toward hard concrete and jail time.
It’s wise to have an emergency plan in place in case you’re ever carrying out business in a small space with someone who pushes your button. Remove yourself, close your mouth, and decide later are three actions that keep you in control of your emotions, your actions, and your business. Unlike Slater, you won’t be instantly famous, and your entrepreneurial endeavor will be safe.
Great tips! I hope to remember them when dragged into confrontations.
Have a good day!
Robert
Sue – this is such a great reminder of how to take a breath and regain your calm and composure. I have had several occasions in my professional career where I wanted to launch and take the “chute.” But I’ve learned that the best rule is always to cool down, and especially sleep on it. Great advice!
Warmly,
Jessica
https://www.jessicaeavesmathews.com
Great tips, Sue! Thanks for sharing.
Ellen
Sue, I love this. Taking a breath and stepping away is always good advice in a tense situation. I know the urge to lash back can be compelling, but it only ever gives short term relief. Decide later lets you look at all facets of the issue.
Thanks. Terry
Great tips, Sue! I have seen this happen before (and narrowly avoided it myself once or twice).
Thanks for posting!
Phil Dyer
http://www.totalbusinesstransformation.com
Twitter: Chiropractic Hand & Foot Clinics Of America
says:
Sue,
Love your simple three step approach to preventing a potentially embarrassing and destroying situation. Great words of wisdom.
Dr. Robert Fenell
Repetitive Strain Injuries
Awesome tips as always Sue! I always wait 24 hours before sending a reply or responding to a nasty voice mail if they even warrent a reply. This gives me plenty of time to breathe! Loved the JetBlue analogy : )
Yes, Sue!! Stopping and breathing is good advise in most situations, especially tense ones! thanks so much for the reminder!
Sue ~
Thank you for the great method for giving yourself the space to think through the situation in a calmer environment. I love the part about your reptilian brain taking over if you don’t contain the flight or fight response. Much better for your health this way too.
Love & Health,
Robin
Sue,
Great tips for everyone. Not just for customers, I suggest these are great for everyday situations which may arise from driving in traffic, to
a rude person in a store and even when visiting your in-laws. Thanks.
Great tips, Sue. And I think these kinds of reactions are gold for practicing the yoga of relationship as a pathway to peace. Because once you use th tips you pointed out, later, whir you have time, you can go deep and clear that reactivity so that the next time something like this comes up, there is no reaction…step by step you cultivate sustainable peace. Great post.
Such great advice! Deep breaths are great too. I had not even read about th eJet Blue guy! I had seen some reference, but had not tuned in. Wow! I guess he did provide a great teaching opportunity for all of us. Thanks, Sue!
What if the confrontation is done online and over the phone and while you’re on vacation? But mostly online.
Hi Tracey,
If you mean online by e-mail, I would suggest not engaging at all. It’s wiser to answer a hostile e-mail with a direct phone call if you answer it at all. Every confrontation has decision points, one being how much you still want a relationship with that customer. If someone chases after you online then more than likely that person is quite fear based and would not say the same things over a phone or face-to-face. As for your being on vacation, that makes no difference, for comments can occur at any time, and we can train ourselves to back off and handle them later at any time, too!
Sue
Great advice, Sue. I wish i had practiced it more often than speaking while upset. I like the breathing technique to fill the brain with blood and energy, as well.
Best regards,
Yvonne
Awesome tips, Sue! I always apply the 24hr rule before responding to any “touchy” emails for this very reason…:)
Twitter: debbiemcneill
says:
Sue, thank for sharing this. I’ll always remember the line – “remove yourself from the on-going drama by stepping away, but don’t go so far as to pull the emergency chute”
Happy Stamping!
Debbie
Twitter: writeoncreative
says:
Sue,
What a great reminder. Objective perspective usually does the trick.
I appreciate your tips because even the best of us can get ruffled feathers at times.
Write on!~
Lisa
Sue, I love how you put tips and guidelines in a nutshell. These were very valuable tips to stay clear and not get hooked into a wrong agenda.
Thanks, Beth. Just call me a squirrel, LOL!
Twitter: _iaLOAp_
says:
Great, simple, straight-forward, useful, true advice, Sue! Thanks for the reminder. Don’t go all “Jet-Blue” on me!! ;O LOL & XO, Katherine
I guess Jet Blue is the new “going postal.”
Sue,
When negative emotions are high–all intelligence goes out the window. So very wise advice to remove yourself immediately and breathe.
Kiyla Fenell
http://www.ultimatestaffingsystem.com
Thanks, Kiyla. High emotions = low speaking ablility!
Sue
Excellent Sue!
Taking a step back from things can certainly help clear the mind and allow a space to reconnect with what is truly meaningful
Your point about “meaningful” is well taken, Laura. I hadn’t thought about it in that way, but it sure rings true.
Sue
Love that suggestion of taking the sharp breath. I’ll have to remember that one.
Sandy
Let me know how it goes, Sandy!
Twitter: getunstuck
says:
Great tips, Sue! As I am giving myself a “time out” from the person, I’m usually remembering that “we all have baggage”. I realize that their duffle bag of junk just ran into my duffle bag of junk. LOL!
LOL, Linda. As Archie Bunker used to say “stow it.”
Good stuff. I have to remember the simplified ladder of inference of Fact, Feelings, Script, and Action … and deal with my feelings in a manner that refocuses me back on the facts before taking action; if taking action at all.
Great tips, Sue!
Typically I will just be silent, when I get so upset that I want to rip someone’s head off!
Of course, I won’t do that, so to just say nothing is always the best choice for me. Then later I can calmly respond or comment back to the person.
And I don’t usually have a chute I can jump out of !! LOL.
No chute for me, either!