Send to KindleI’m noticing a little trend going on in the self-employed business owner world. The trend is opting out of being coached or mentored. The reasoning behind the trend goes something like this:
- I was in a coaching group or did workshops this year.
- I learned a ton of content.
- I got overwhelmed and didn’t implement the action steps as the year went along.
- Now what I need is to work alone and implement, implement, implement!
- I thus don’t need or want to spend money on another group, I need to just get things done on my own.
I’m 100% all in when it comes to small business owners needing to move forward and implement what they’ve learned in a workshop or a coaching group. After all, great ideas stuck inside your brain don’t make you a dime. And I’m a 100% believer that if you have gone to a workshop or participated in a group it’s smart business to use what you’ve learned there and make money to reimburse what you spent as a participant. In fact, I teach my own clients that a good rule of thumb is to make back 3 times the investment. If you make back only 100% you’ve just stood in place, so that’s no good! Triple the investment and the money you’ve spent was arguably a good investment.
But……thinking that you will go forth and implement, day after day, on a consistent and determined basis might be more a fear of investing in yourself further than it is a true belief that’s all you need to do. What I hear underneath the “I need to go it alone and implement” is often more a money shortage or a guilty feeling that is masked by “I’m smart and I should be able to implement all this stuff I’ve learned by myself.” And underneath that is “I’m not worth investing more, or my business idea isn’t worth investing more.” To all that I say “bull hockey!”
Here’s what I know to be true from 15 years of owning my own business and from working with hundreds of small business owners.
- Many of us (women in particular) felt guilty in the first place for doing a coaching program and secretly worried about making the money back.
- One way to punish ourselves for “making a bad investment” is to stop ourselves from investing more with the excuse “I’ve not made back the first money I spent.”
- We then punish ourselves further by saying “I should just buckle down and implement what I’ve learned by myself” – and sometimes we do that to appease spouses, family, or friends who have dogged us for spending money in the first place.
- We might be secretly feeling pretty unconfident about our business or our business idea and not REALLY sure we can make it fly. Or, we’ve lost the enthusiasm to work for ourselves because we’ve figured out that it’s not as easy as it sounds, but we don’t have the courage to admit that in the face of having paid for some type of workshop or coaching program.
- Small business owners tend to be passionate and creative types who need a supportive community for inspiration and motivation. Many of us have fabulous ideas but we are not necessarily great self-starters. Thinking we “should be able to do it on our own” and actually being able to consistently “do it on our own” are two different things. There’s no shame in that – it’s just the way most of us happen to be wired.
- ALL business owners need a group that has their back. You better believe big, zillion-dollar earners have the “pack that’s got their back.” In fact, most have both informal (friends who are also business owners and will shoot them straight) and formal (closed and confidential roundtable groups, executive mentors, etc.)
- Implementing alone often means missing related products or services that are low-hanging fruit and easy to monetize. No one thinks best in a vacuum.
- Implementing alone also means missing out on serendipitous contacts, dinner-conversation ideas, opportunities for joint ventures, on-the-fly invitations to speak, and being knowledgable about new technologies or trends.
Women are really bad at denying themselves of opportunities to build business relationships and contacts under the guise of “I shouldn’t spend the money and I don’t have the time.” For the most part, men don’t do that. Women isolate themselves and hide their fear, pain, and shame. And doing that has not, does not, and never will help you build a business that you can feel confident and proud of – one that gives you the life you secretly really, truly want.
If this describes you, I’m here to call you out. Don’t assume because you have not YET recouped your investment in a workshop or coaching program that you won’t – sometimes it takes several years. Don’t fall into the “stinkin’ thinkin” that you really should just take your briefcase and go home because you’ve tried a program or a workshop, it didn’t really work quickly, you felt overwhelmed, or you frankly let events at home get in your way, and gave it such a low priority in your life that nothing got done. Quit putting YOURSELF and YOUR DREAMS off for someone else. Build for yourself, then turn around and extend a loving hand to others. Draw your line in the sand, stand up, get the support you need – we all need — to build and run your own businesses and take action. You’ll take action when you feel supported. You won’t take action when you are home alone with your tail tucked in between your legs like a hound that didn’t catch its squirrel.
Disabuse yourself of the believe that just because you’ve invested in yourself and haven’t made it pay off that money was wasted, is lost, or will never be made back. Disabuse yourself of the believe that you can get up every single morning and hit it running, day after day, with no one to have your back except family and friends who half-way don’t expect you to really make it anyway. Disabuse yourself of the belief that you’re not worth more and your ideas aren’t worth more – that the life you secretly see for yourself isn’t really achievable.
I am never without a coach or a program to participate in. Sometimes I need it more than others. Sometimes I really wish I didn’t have to participate that day. Sometimes I get incredibly creative ideas that make me money, ideas I would never have thought about on my own. Always, I have “a pack that has my back.” I’m living proof that it might take two or three years to make back what I’ve spent. Living proof that isolation doesn’t work when you’re working for yourself.
If you’re female and need a “pack” you can read about and apply for my brand-new 2012 Business Mentorship Program. I’m excited to once again be offering a small group mentorship program, for sure. But I’m more excited for each and every business owner to find their place to be supported and challenged, and to believe that they deserve to have that place. Should you go it alone as an entrepreneur? Based on experience, training, and personal experience I can tell you that 99.9% of the time it’s not a good idea.
For the Business Mentorship Program Description click here.
For the program’s application form click here.
Twitter: KatherineCHE
says:
There are always areas for improvement. There are always people out there who know “it” or are “doing it” more the way you’d like to. GET MENTORS!! #justsayin
When I feel I get to the “end” of a mentor relationship, I like to assess what I’ve learned and implemented and where I still could implement more and then I assess what area/s I’d like to focus on next and find someone who is more “there” than I to be my mentor. I have all sorts of mentors — spiritual, physical (pilates trainer etc), business, love, etc. SOOOO agree, Sue! Keep growing!! XO, Katherine
P.S. The tulip supports this kind of infinite expansion and growth and self-”improvement”
I totally agree, Katherine. I have many mentors, too!
Twitter: greenlightcoach
says:
Great article Sue! I’ve been working with coaches for years and I am one of the people who implements as I go. One thing that has come from these many groups I’ve worked with is a bond with a circle of members, so while there may be times I’m not working directly with a coach, I always have my people holding me accountable.
The beauty in that is that your “pack” as you refer to them, take you to the next level, and that’s as far as you can all go together and it’s time to find another coach to invest in who can teach you the next set of things that you don’t even know you need to know.
ALWAYS BE LEARNING!!!
Hi Jessica,
No one I know would say you are NOT an implementor, LOL! I agree, your pack takes you to the next level.
Sue
Twitter: jenniferbourn
says:
Sue – Love this. It’s so easy to get caught in the “I joined this program, paid all this money, and don’t see the returns, so I’m out” train of thought … but It’s ALL WRONG!
In so many cases, all of the focus, time, energy, work, and relationships done/made in the program don’t begin to reveal their results until after the program is over! What people tend to forget is that SUCCESS TAKES TIME and all the hard work you put in one year will produce results in the future … it may be in three months, six months, nine months, or even a year … but it takes time.
It’s the same with marketing, you market for the results you’ll receive in the future, not for the ones you’ll get today.
So don’t make the decision to not join a program because you’re waiting for results … because then you’ll be behind for the future!
Jennifer Bourn, Bourn Creative
Hi Jennifer,
I agree with you – I always tell my clients that what they do right now will determine what they will be doing 6 months from now, ha!
Sue
Twitter: everywomanovr29
says:
All I can say is WOW! this really really speaks to me! I have seen SO much value in the last 2 years – being in a coaching program and having an amazingly supportive group of women who had my back and who had brilliant ideas! I totally agree, we need this support for our businesses!
Thank you for a wonderful post!
Trudy
Thanks, Trudy. You are a testament to getting support and taking action.
Twitter: getunstuck
says:
This is such a great post, Sue! I think that having a coach or a group that knows you and can call you on your “stuff” is one of the most useful resources a person can have. I think having a coach is ESPECIALLY important for coaches–if you don’t believe in a coach enough to hire one, why should anyone hire you? At the same time, it IS important to implement, implement, implement–programs and ideas aren’t enough. I spent one whole year a couple of years ago chasing experts and programs, looking for the “magic” answer–at the same time not consistently following through (those bright shiny objects are SO enticing). I drowned in information and ideas, but stuff didn’t “catch on.” Sometimes just having someone who you are accountable to really can help with that!
Twitter: writeoncreative
says:
Hi Sue,
Great advice. Your new program sounds fabulous.
Did you know I almost talked myself out of investing in myself by using many of the “excuses” you listed. I, of course, snapped out of it but you are so right. There are too many excuses, not enough action and not enough support if you go it alone.
Write on!~
Lisa Manyon
Lisa, I think we have all tried to talk ourselves out of it at one point or another. I know this next year with Ali will be fabulous for you!
Sue
Twitter: MarketingMel
says:
Excellent tips Sue. I really like your thought about making back triple what you invested however that may take time. I think we all want to have an instant ROI. There is no question I do better with a coach/mentor/running partner/spouse….you name it, life is better when you have someone to share it with and someone to guide you.
Twitter: authenticbuzz
says:
I love how straightforward and (lovingly) blunt you are. You are so right about needing someone to push you to action. I have an accountability partner and a mastermind group, but sometimes that isn’t enough. I get more accomplished in the two hours before being in the hot seat in my mastermind group than the whole week prior. Great post and great program.
I’m glad to hear you are doing both, Kristina.
Sue
Twitter: indigoforce
says:
Thanks for a great post Sue. I love it – the “pack that has your back” !! So important for women (everyone) to remember that no one accomplishes anything great alone (good maybe but not great). As business owners we have an obligation to our clients and to ourselves to do everything we can to get our product/service out to the world and to sustain our energy to do it – coaching certainly helps. If nothing more, we need a safe place to fall and share our successes and pain as we serve the world in the biggest way we can imagine. Your coaching helped me tremendously this past September – you are aces!!
Thanks for your comment, Gina. I’m happy to hear that our work together helped you and your business, too!
Sue
Twitter: Shaynarattler
says:
You are so right. One of the first steps to doing anything successfully, especially consistently, is to seek wise counsel. Furthmore it’s always a great idea to gain a different perspective than your own. It takes a village not only to raise a successful company!
Thanks, Shayna, for your comment. Different perspective is good to consider when you’re pondering what your customers most need.
Sue
Good points. One of the advvantages of getting coaching is that your coach or other members of the group are going to see things that you are not aware of or are missing that are perfedctly obvious to them and they will point this out to you so you can get that critical breakthrough. The other thing I like about being in agroup is that you get the energy and synergy of the group that you can not generate on yourown. Often I get brilliant ideas at a meeting that would not come to me working alone.
Hi Bill (sweetie)
Yep, love those group-generated brilliant ideas!
Sue
Twitter: timetriage
says:
Thanks for telling it like it is! One thing I have learned in all my years of studying and being coached is you canNOT be accountable to yourself! You also can’t judge your own performance – usually we are too invested and too close to see our own blind spots. I always choose to be coached by people who are WAY ahead of me – they stretch my brain, and save me loads of time. And I am more than willing to invest in that knowledge and time savings!
Thanks for not pulling any punches Sue!
Hi Terry,
Thanks for your comments. i agree – get coached by someone who teaches to your blind spots (and helps you know what your blind spots are, too!).
Twitter: KristiLynnOlson
says:
Sue,
I think you just called out most of the women entrepreneurs I know. At one time of another we all feel like we can’t invest any more…….but going it alone doesn’t work. There is a synergy and an energy that takes place when two or more are connected. Women need to stop beating themselves up for taking the risk to invest time and money in coaches or coaching programs.
Thanks for this gentle (or maybe not so gentle) reminder of the value of being connected, and always being open to learning. Years ago women got together to make quilts, not so much for the finished product, but for the sake of connecting and growing together as they shared their stories of life. We no longer make quilts, but we do need to stay connected and support each other in business and in life as we weave our way along the journey together.
Kristi,
I love the analogy about quilting, and I agree – we lack community, and we are the weaker for it.
Sue
Twitter: TiffanydeSilva
says:
Great post, Sue! I love that you always tell it like it is. Sometimes solo entrepreneurs take the term “solo” a little extreme. I can’t think of any successful business that was built alone. I can’t thnk of any succesful business that is truly ran alone. You absolutely need the support and synergy of others around you to make your business thrive and to keep yourself sane, grounded, happy, and productive.
I’m the type of person who never gets stuck in inaction–I am an implementer by nature. Do I still invest in coaching? You betcha!
Thanks, Tiffany. I know you are an implementer, for sure. Appreicate your response.
Sue