The other day a small business owner who has followed me for several years decided to work with me one-on-one. She has an existing business that she needs to rebrand and refresh. In the application form she filled out I spotted a response that warned me she was an “if only” entrepreneur. In our follow-up phone call to select an open spot for a private, VIP half-day business retreat I heard language that confirmed she is an “if-only” business owner.
If-only’s act to support their businesses only if certain criteria are first met. The problem with this is that they put themselves in such a small box that they then can’t step up and out when their business needs them to. In this particular situation, the women was willing to put time and effort into her business if only:
- She didn’t have to take on any debt.
- Her husband didn’t get nervous that she was eroding their financial base.
- It didn’t interfere with her husband’s outside appointments.
- She had plenty of time to meet the social and school schedule for 2 children.
- She didn’t have to go to any networking meetings that happened early in the morning or after work hours.
- She could rebrand her business without having to pay for changes to her existing website.
While you might read this list and see right away that there’s a problem, if-only’s almost never see the boxes they put themselves in as problems. In fact, if they are asked about their “if-only” list they will tend to get defensive and explain at great lengths why their “if-onlys” have to remain. Usually, resistance to acknowledging the limitations a person has placed on herself comes from fear of change.
To own and be successful in business takes a willingness to change the existing structure of one’s life. It also requires family members to line up in support of the new business activity, so it means changes there, too. Change can be uncomfortable. It’s especially uncomfortable for women who have been very acommodating to every need within a family. In fact, part of the resistance to considering other options can stem from an unwillingness to admit just how much of her own life and her own dreams she’s given up.
Because of my awareness of this small business owner’s if-only status, I was not surprised that absolutely none of the open dates to work with me were convenient (due to her husband’s schedule, not her own). Of course, her choice to forego building her business is entirely her own. What usually happens is that if-only’s keep themselves in a dream state of “I would so love to have a business, but it just doesn’t ever seem to work out.” They firmly believe that the reasons things have not happened have nothing to do with them. That’s often sad to me because I see the fabulous talents and ideas that many if-only’s have.
Do you wonder if you are an if-only business owner? You can download my application, answer the questions, and see what it tells you – or contact me for a One And Done hour and we’ll figure it out together.
Cyndi Papia says
May 3, 2012 at 8:03 amIf we all wait until everything is perfect nothing would get done. I have a saying I’ve been using for years: In order for a garden/business to flourish you must tend to it every day and another, If something is important to someone, they always find the time and money.
My wish for all biz owners who want to start or make a change forge ahead (relatives, spouses, etc.) can follow and adjust. Worse regret you can ever have when all is said and done is what you didn’t do; not what you did. 🙂
Sue Painter says
May 3, 2012 at 11:00 amCYndi,
I agree with you. Regret is worse than failure by a long shot.
Sue
Tiffany deSilva says
April 11, 2012 at 9:28 pmGreat post, Sue. My mother always told me, “There is never a perfect time to do anything. lf you wait for perfect, it will never come.” Everyone has obstacles. Some people let obstacles rob them of their life while others roll on. Rolling on takes courage, heart, and resilience.
Linda Pucci says
March 30, 2012 at 3:23 pmGreat posting, Sue! At times I’ve been there; and I think we all need to own it if it fits. Incidentally, I run into it a bunch when I work with people about their personal issues in psychotherapy. They are gung-ho to work on their lives IF ONLY their insurance company will pay the bill! You’ve got to invest in yourself, whether it is in dealing with personal issues or growing your business. I agree with Kathy: No action=no results.
Sue Painter says
March 30, 2012 at 3:54 pmLinda,
I agree, we all do it occasionally – the key is catching it.
Sue
Lisa Birnesser says
March 29, 2012 at 10:36 pmWaiting for the perfect scenario in business is a sure ticket to stay stuck or failure. Playing it safe may seem to be the right choice but will never advance your business. Great points, Sue!
Jeff Brunson says
March 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm“To own and be successful in business takes a willingness to change the existing structure of one’s life.”
That is putting it mildly isn’t it! I just passed the 10 year mark in my business and I never imagined how much restructure I would do at this point. I’m wading in a pool of reinventive narrowing. While it sometimes seems upsetting to life, it is the right path at the right time for this work I do. Now I will be on the lookout for some of those “if onlys” as I continue.
Kathy says
March 27, 2012 at 12:47 pmOh how frustrating. No action = no results.
Sue Painter says
March 27, 2012 at 12:55 pmKathy,
Exactly right!
Sue
Donna Gunter says
March 26, 2012 at 4:06 pmHey Sue–
Great post about the “if only” people.! I always tell people in response to those kind of excuses about opening a business, “Well, if it were easy, everybody would be doing it!”
And, unfortunately, you can’t help people who won’t help themselves. Sigh.
My decision to become a business owner was partially responsible for the failure of my first marriage. My now ex-husband, who ironically was a biz owner himself, gave me his list of “If onlys” that he maintained were mandatory if I were to start my own biz. I decided that I could more easily start a biz “if only” I weren’t married….and I took care of that! LOL Lesson learned — don’t let your spouse’s fears (if onlys) stand in your way. 🙂
Sue Painter says
March 26, 2012 at 8:38 pmHi Donna,
My hat is off to you for the courage of standing on your own path despite the fear of others. It is not easy to do.
Sue
Brandi Kae says
March 26, 2012 at 9:38 amGreat points, Sue. I think this ties in well with stepping out of your comfort zone and not letting limitations get in your way. A strong successful business needs so much time, focus, COMMITMENT, and support from family and friends. 🙂
Jeff Madsen says
March 24, 2012 at 6:56 amI sometimes think there is even more value in finding your “if-only’s” when you have a successful small business. Its relative success blinds you to your own self-imposed limitations. If removed, you can move on to higher levels of success – if not, stagnation happens.
As usual, great stuff for beginners or those who’ve been at it a while! Thanks Sue!
Sue Painter says
March 24, 2012 at 7:13 amHi Jeff,
Oh, I totally agree – that “if only” exercise can be used from newbies to senior execs.
Sue