Most of the time, small business owners are optimistic creatures. We like to look forward. We look at what isn't working in our businesses and decide to change things around or quit doing the thing that isn't doing well. We enjoy our customers and clients and look forward to serving them. We have contingency plans in place for replacing staff, for increasing sales when we need more cash flow, for replacing equipment that wears out or is dated. Self-employed business owners learn to prepare and roll with the punches.
But every now and then something comes along that stops us dead in our tracks. Something unthinkable. Something mystifying. Something that makes no logical sense to us at all. It can come into our personal or business life (there really is not much separation) so quickly and sharply that it literally takes our breath away, causes us to shake our heads in denial and disbelief, leads us to waste a lot of time saying things like, “if only…..why in the world….I can't believe this is happening….I want a do-over.” It's those times that test our resiliency, our ability to lean into the horror and dismay, to find a place to stand that gives us space to respond rather than react.
Something devastating happened to me this week. I didn't expect to write my blog post from a hospital bed, but I am. After only 7 weeks past a major surgery that gave me a new knee and realigned my right leg so that I could walk on it well again, the unthinkable happened. I stood up from a chair on our 3rd night at our condo in Florida and felt and heard a horrible ripping sound. After an ambulance ride (my first ever) to the local hospital I was told that the patella tendon in my brand new knee had ruptured. I could not move my leg without assistance, and I needed emergency surgery. The surgeon had to rip open the 9 inch brand new scar and dig into the knee that was just 7 weeks old. I now have to spent 8 to 10 weeks with my leg straight out in front of me, never bend it, never let it bear any weight. All the movement I had worked so hard to gain in my right leg is gone, and I was told that I might never be able to bend the leg again very much, if at all. I was told I might not walk again.
Of course, there is a part of me that wants to find fault, scream at fate, hide my head under the covers in my hospital bed and cry buckets. It isn't fair. I've been through a lot and worked very hard. I expect things to turn out the way I want them to turn out. They haven't. And I don't have any clue what the next few months will bring. One of the most famous quotes of the Buddha is “attachment is the root of suffering.” I am attached to being able to walk and bend my leg again. And therein lies the misery and suffering.
So far as I can see, if we have a devastating event happen in our business or in our life, we can help ourselves be resilient about it in three ways:
- Let go of expectation about how the situation will end. We don't know and it wastes a huge amount of energy to constantly wish for a certain end or try to guess what will happen.
- Stay completely in the present moment. Worrying about how you are going to handle things next week or even tomorrow is energy that can be better put toward what you can do that is positive right now, in the next 5 minutes. The more we can let go of worrying, the better we will feel and respond.
- Gather your best supporters and thinkers around you. When I work with a small business owner to support them in their business, I require that they list at least 3 people in their business plan who will have their back through thick and thin. And one of the reasons someone hires me is so that I will have their back, too. Inform your supporters and thinkers about the situation and listen to their advice. Identify the types of help you need to respond to the awful thing that has happened and ask them to help you find the best team members. Let them carry you a little bit. If you try to do it all alone, you'll not do the best job and you will wear yourself out.
The longer we are in business the more apt we'll have a time when the worst happens. Something in business or in our personal life happens, and it stops us in our tracks. Having resiliency means we'll learn from this worst thing and respond in positive ways that don't worsen the situation. We need to train ourselves to have the right mindset and a team to help us respond to anything that comes our way. Our businesses and our personal lives will benefit.
Sue, Under these conditions you still wrote a fine post comparing your personal situation to the business points.
Wishing you the best in your recovery journey. Clearly you have already started on it.
Thank you, Mitch.
Sue
Sue,
I am so with you in heart and spirit as you go through this! I love what Bill is saying, stay present with what you are doing today and accomplishing right now! Dont spend that precious energy that you need right now for the future which you know nothing about!!! Pull in your team on ALL levels, you are going to get through this and I know you’ll be stronger for it!!! GReat article for all of us to remember when the unexpected happens!
Sweet, Sweet Sue! I share with you a clear, shining vision of a full recovery. I send healing light and flowers. Please let me know if there is ANY way I can support you. You are a gift and a blessing to us all. I may not make your “top three” list, but you can count me among your supporters. I’ve always got your back, Lady Sue. ALWAYS. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to you and Bill.
Just look at how you have already turned your situation into many life and business lessons that are great for us all to remember. I am especially grateful for your reminder about attachment right now.
Detaching, exhaling, detaching… THANK YOU!
Sue, you are amazing. I knew you were back in the hospital but had not realized how serious it was. Your perseverance is extraordinary. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
Thank you, Mary Ellen. I appreciate your prayers, very much.
Sue
I really, can only imagine the shock and awe of it all Sue… when something major happens to us, most forget one thing… that there is a grief that comes with a change like this. And it is, just a change, not an end result. I hope you will allow yourself the time to grieve… it IS an important part of the healing process. One breath at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time, mentally and physically… I will keep you in my prayers Sue…
PS: I read someone else suggesting supplements… and I know you know I can also recommend the best supplement on earth, to help rebuild. There are over 100 verifiable nutrients including 36 anti-inflammatories. If you would like, I am happy to send you links to research.
Thanks for your prayers, Jyl.
Sue,
Ouch! And your points are so valid. We have to have a team, we have to have support, and we have to stay in the present. As you say, too many people spend too much time worrying about something that hasn’t (and may never) happened and that time is far better spent NOW making NOW as good as it can possibly be.
Hoping you heal fast (and sending healing thoughts your way).
Terry
Hi Terry,
Thanks for your healing thoughts, I so appreciate them.
Sue
I am amazed that you found the courage and energy to write this post Sue Painter may your recovery be so smooth and quick and the walking so possible that you astound the medicos!
Thank you, Heidi.
Oh Sue, this is terrible news…I am so sorry you are having to go through this…I don’t know if I buy into just being in the moment and not wishing for a certain outcome…after following David Neagle for many years now, I think he would tell you to focus on what you want to happen and take steps in that direction so the universe will give you what you want. I’m sure you’ve been watching the progress of JJ’s son…if they only focused on the moment do you think he would have as much progress as he’s had? JJ was told he would NEVER made the trip to LA, among many other nevers…and he is walking now! I’d say find out about those supplements Grant is taking…lot’s of fish oil, but I’m sure there are more and start taking them!!! Sending love and my best wishes for a full and speedy recovery!!!
Thanks, Angie, for your good wishes and suggestions. Yes, I have thought of JJ and her son many times this week, too!
Sue
“Let go of expectation about how the situation will end. We don’t know and it wastes a huge amount of energy to constantly wish for a certain end or try to guess what will happen.” This reminds me of what a wise friend told me “When you start saying If this happens, then this means . . .” you are wasting your time worrring about something that may never happen.
I had forgotten our friend telling us that. You know I could not bear what has happened without you at my side.
Sue