If you're like me you probably have crafted some New Year's resolutions in the last few days. Most small business owners and entrepreneurs are goal-oriented and love a new year with fresh opportunities, right? While self-employed folks might have business goals throughout the year, we tend to use resolutions when we know we need to change a behavior, not just set a goal. Resolutions mean change. That's why sometimes they fail – we say we want to change but we all have a natural inertia toward remaining exactly how we are. Resolutions come up because we already know we need to do something differently, and we already have not been doing that thing differently, and we're stuck, and we resolve to do better.
But the question is, will we? So here's two ways to look at your resolution that help you ferret out what's so hard about keeping it.
1. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line vertically down the middle. On the left side of the line write down what you want, as specifically as you can. Let's say you want to network more for your small business. Now, in the right side of the page write “If only I didn't have to……”. Now read the left side and add on the right side so that, for example, you are saying “I want to network for my small business more, if only I didn't have to…..” and then start writing a list of your “if only's” in that right column. Write as many “if only's” as you can, no matter how insignificant they are. You might have a list at the end that reads something like this:
I want to network for my small business more, if only I didn't have to
- get up so early in the morning to get to the meeting
- dress up and put on make up
- polish up my introduction because I never know quite what to say
- come up with a way to sound interesting to other small business owners
- have the entire rest of the day ahead of me all dressed up and no place to go
- miss my yoga class once a week to go to the networking meeting.
If you don't like that method here's another, similar one. (And by the way, I did't invent these, they are both commonly used in workshops by many people.)
2. Take a sheet of paper and draw a circle in the middle. In the circle write what you want. Now, all around the circle, list all the reasons you believe you won't get it or can't get it. Keep asking yourself “and why else?” until you just can't think of any other reason at all. You'll find that this exercise gets to your hidden beliefs a bit more than the first exercise does. For example, you might still be thinking about your resolution to network more but this time you find yourself writing “I really don't believe that networking is going to help my business anyway.”
You see? Once we list out the barriers and the beliefs about what we have not done, even if we know we should be doing it, we have in our hands all our resistances to the thing we have resolved to do. Then, we have a choice to tackle each of them, or to decide that the barriers are too firmly in place and we're just not going to do the thing. And we are free to drop that and move on, and quit hassling ourselves for not doing it.
The bottom line is to resolve you're going to do it OR resolve to let it go….and these two exercises will help you clearly distinguish which way to go. You're a winner either way, because you're keeping your resolutions.
Now that you know about how to make and keep resolutions, you might want some help assessing what's next for you and your business. I invite you to check out my Assess Your Success quick coaching. It might be just what you need to move those resolutions ahead.
Sue – Great ideas here! These exercises really put your “excuses” in your face. It’ll take some self-awareness and acceptance to be totally honest … but I see these as a great way to get the junk out on paper to deal with and move past. Thank you!
Jennifer Bourn, Bourn Creative
Hi Jennifer,
You’re right, the excuses kind of pop right up there, ha! Thanks for your comment.
Sue
Hello, Sue. Great exercises. The second one reminds me of mind mapping. I also want to comment on what Tiffany deSilva wrote about ” Do or Do Not – There is no Try!” Wow, I’m going to post that on my wall in big bold letters. What a mantra to follow every day. That’s why I like blogs. You can learn from other comments. It’s really how I got where I am in my business. About five years ago I learned a lot about marketing from reading comments in the Marketing forums found in the Score Community. Score really helped me launch my business. From there I took a $500.00, 3-day workshop that changed my way of thinking and doing business. I did this about a year after. Score really helped me to feel more confident with jumping to invest more for my business and myself. I haven’t looked back since. Today I’m having more fun just being in business and building relationships. Happy New Year! Thank you for your time in reading this message. Take care. Rosella Young, AA-1 Designs, Invest in yourself P.S. Please note the above website only operates in the U.S. Int’l readers please google Longaberger to find one near your area.
Good advice on the “and what else” to drill down to the real reason. It is often a surprise as to what it is.
Sue, I LOVE your bottom line…resolve to do it or resolve to let it go.
This speaks to me in a big, big way this year. Thanks for posting this!
Ellen,
Glad it spoke to you, and glad to be of service.
Sue
Love these exercises Sue!! I’m going to try them out myself then probably use them with a client who seems to be procrastinating, too!
Sandy
Well, I’m back already! Just did these two exercises and it took about 30 seconds to see what’s getting in my way of filling a new coaching program – I have a belief that I have to be a sleazy, pushy, manipulative salesperson to get people to buy in! Geez! No wonder I’m procrastinating! I don’t want to be sleazy or pushy or manipulative. So, I’m making the choice to be authentic and warm and sincere when I talk to people about this program.
Thanks a million Sue!
Sandy
Sandy,
Awesome! It’s amazing sometimes the things that hold us back and we have no idea until we ask those questions. Now you can move forward and rock it in your usual style.
Sue
I love these exercises and your reminder that we all have a natural inertia to remain as we are. Great posting, Sue!
Hi Linda,
Thanks for your comment. I know you are a master at helping others change!
Sue
I really like the reality of the “If only if I didn’t have to …” This is why I’m so dedicated to my Business Journal and the honest expression that comes from my writing there. It moves me past fears, etc. Your post is also a great reminder of the power of specificity in our goals and actions.
Thanks, Jeff.
Great excercises for uncovering the excuses that might get in your way down the road. My personal mantra is a quote from Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.” I actually never make New Years Resolutions I just decide to “do or do not.” Your statement, “The bottom line is to resolve you’re going to do it OR resolve to let it go” really resonates with me.
Thanks, Tiffany. I know for sure you are a doer!
Sue
Love these exercises. Can’t wait to try them out. I have a feeling I’ll discover a thing our two. Thanks for sharing such great advice.
Hi Kristina,
I’m glad they speak to you, hope your time with them yields great info for you.
Sue
Excellent advice Sue. I’m going to try these suggestions! Thank you.
Mel,
Let me know how it goes!
Sue