I’ve just gotten back from being live on stage at Ali Brown’s Thrive Live event, two days especially for her Elevate coaching members. 
There’s nothing I love more about my work than listening to and helping purposeful entrepreneurs and small business owners, so I enjoyed every minute!
We took a lot of live questions from the audience. Sometimes, though, I wasn’t able to offer much of an answer. So as I was flying back across the country I started thinking about what NOT to ask your business coach.
- Don’t ask permission for something you want to do. Making a yes or no decision about your business is yours to make, not anyone else’s. I’m a strategist, an expert on marketing your business, and a great person to help you see where you are stuck. I can help you weigh the pros and cons or help you see where a particular path will take you over time. I’m an advisor and mentor, not an approver or decision maker. Here’s the deal…..when you ask me to make a yes or no decision for you, you give away your responsibility and your power. Unconsciously, you are asking someone else to make a hard decision so that you can blame that person if it doesn’t work out – even though you are the one who has to carry it out to make it work. Abrogating your decision-making authority to someone else (coach, parent, spouse, friend) never works out in business.
- Don’t ask long, winding questions that are not clear. In the years I’ve been advising and coaching others I’ve seen this hundreds of times. I once timed a business owner and at the 8 minute mark I had no idea what she was asking. If you can’t succinctly ask your question it tells me that you don’t have a clear vision about your business and how to talk about it. Your issue isn’t your “question” at all – your issue is knowing what business you are in and having the ability to talk about it clearly. This is one of those “we have to back up before we can go forward” places. I can help you get clear about your question first, and that usually means getting clear about your business. It’s a great practice to be succinct – it’s what works in the world of business, and it’s helpful in personal relationships, too.
- Don’t ask a coach about guaranteed results. The minute I hear someone ask this my ears perk up. When you ask for guarantees you are basically looking to take the risk out of what you do. You cannot be successful in business without taking risks, and there are no guarantees. I could write out a complete 90 day action plan for a business owner, but I have absolutely no control over what that person will do with that 90 day plan. Personally, I go work with the best coaches in business but I know going in that they can’t guarantee that any certain thing will happen just because I worked with them. When someone says to me, “I want to make certain the results I’ll walk away with” I know they are not a good match for me. Most of the time that person is too risk-adverse to be a successful business owner. Most of the time what they think they need to talk about is 180 degrees from what the real issue is. I can study a person’s business for hours and be fully ready to talk about their marketing strategies and business plan, only to find out in the first 15 minutes the real issue in their business is they aren’t working at it very well because their husband asked for a divorce. That’s what I love about coaching – it’s comprehensive, holistic, and unpredictable. I have to be on my toes, and I love that challenge. I work hard at what I do, but I can’t guarantee what will happen. We may get to a truth about you or your business that isn’t on your list to discuss at all, yet it’s critical for you.
A while back I did a video I called “Will You Get Gypped By A Coach?” which you can watch by clicking here . In the meanwhile, think about the questions you ask, and stay away from the 3 kinds of questions I listed above. In the end, they won’t help you build the kind of business and life you most want for yourself. If you need help with any of these, consider working with me in a One and Done hour. Click here to get the details about what that is and how it works.
GetOrganizedWithCarmen says
March 25, 2013 at 10:45 amWell said, Sue! I firmly believe every “coachee” needs to prepare for any coaching session or q & a — the more you prepare to ask smart questions, the better coaching you will get, and the better results you can achieve when you apply that coaching!
Mitch Tublin says
March 24, 2013 at 9:36 pmSue,
Good points all around. Almost a worthy document for someone to have to read before they meet
with any coach, sign it and send it back.
Sue Painter says
March 25, 2013 at 8:34 amHi Mitch,
Heidi had the same thought!
Sue
Trudy Scott, Food Mood Expert and Nutritionist says
March 24, 2013 at 5:20 pmthese are really great points Sue and are also often asked (in a slightly different way) in my nutrition coaching
Heidi Alexandra says
March 23, 2013 at 10:55 pmgreat points Sue as a coach I have heard all of these before too. They usually start with a big deep breath and then the client launches into it. I think I may save the link to this article and make it a compulsory read as part of my welcome pack for new clients
Sue Painter says
March 24, 2013 at 1:00 amHeidi,
I’d be honored to have this as part of your welcome pack for your new clients. Awesome!
Sue
jessica says
March 20, 2013 at 5:31 pmI couldn’t agree more! As a coach, I’m right there with you. I look forward to sharing this with my social media people so they have a better understanding of their roll in the coaching partnership
Sue Painter says
March 20, 2013 at 9:04 pmGlad this is helpful for you, Jessica.
Sue
Mary Ellen Miller says
March 20, 2013 at 11:09 amThanks for these excellent tips Sue! It’s good practice for all of us to think and question in a succinct manner.
Maribeth says
March 20, 2013 at 8:55 am“It’s a great practice to be succinct – it’s what works in the world of business, and it’s helpful in personal relationships, too”
SOOO TRUE…..Can I use this? It’s expresses a goal for myself and for my clients….Beautiful Article Sue…
Sue Painter says
March 20, 2013 at 12:09 pmThanks, Maribeth. I’m always happy to be quoted, so feel free to use it and mention my name.
Sue
JoLynn Braley says
March 19, 2013 at 9:18 pm“When you ask me to make a yes or no decision for you, you give away your responsibility and your power” … Taking 100% personal responsibility is so critical, whether you are building a business or you want to end your food and weight struggles permanently.
“I can help you get clear about your question first, and that usually means getting clear about your business” … The questions we ask ourselves are extremely powerful. If you ask yourself “Why do I always fail?” you’ll get an answer! If you were to instead ask, “What’s the best way for me to succeed?” then you’d get a completely different, productive answer! From yourself!
“Don’t ask a coach about guaranteed results. The minute I hear someone ask this my ears perk up.” … If a potential client asks me what my guarantee is that they will get a weight loss mindset (to achieve permanent weight loss) I ask them “What’s my guarantee that you’re going to do everything I give you to do?”. Usually those are folks who are great at purchasing products and programs but lack follow through. They aren’t a fit for me to work with, just like you noted for yourself.
Fantastic post Sue, those are my takeaways!
JoLynn Braley
The F.A.T. Release Coach
Sue Painter says
March 20, 2013 at 12:11 pmSo glad it is useful for you, JoLynn.
Terry Monaghan | Time Triage says
March 19, 2013 at 3:10 pmYowza – Love these 3 questions. Yes, I’ve heard them. And I’ve never answered them. You are absolutely accurate that asking #1 gives away your power, and #3 is trying to duck responsibility. #2, well, let’s just say some people would do better asking “what question should I be asking”…
Sue Painter says
March 19, 2013 at 3:57 pmLOL Terry, you’re right about #2….
Sue
Kelly Eckert says
March 19, 2013 at 2:39 pmGuarantees would be awesome! 😉
I love Paula’s comment about wanting to be back in kindergarten. We didn’t realize then how easy we had it!
I am so with you on refusing to approve or disapprove of a client’s choice. I’ve turned people away who said up front that they wanted to me tell them what to do. I’m their coach, not their mom.
Thanks for the article!
Kelly
Sue Painter says
March 19, 2013 at 3:59 pmKelly, my dad always used to tell me I’d never have it easier than being in school when I complained. So right!
Sue
Deborah Genovesi says
March 19, 2013 at 2:24 pmGREAT article Sue. I was at Thrive Live and know exactly how you came to write this. 😉 Knowing how to succinctly communicate what you have to offer in a way that instantly connects and moves people to work with you is what I focus on teaching now, because there is obviously such a deep need for that. Thanks for a spot-on article Sue!
Sue Painter says
March 19, 2013 at 3:58 pmI think you are providing a much needed service, Deborah G.
Paula says
March 19, 2013 at 12:41 pmLove this, Sue. Yes, guarantees would be lovely, wouldn’t they? Life would be so much easier. Maybe we could offer a guarantee if our clients offered a guarantee to do just what we tell them when we tell them. 🙂
And the issue of having someone else make decisions for you…yes, then we wouldn’t have to think or take risks.
Sometimes, I think we all just want to be back in kindergarten…learning to color inside the lines.
Sue Painter says
March 19, 2013 at 1:53 pmWell, for many people the challenge is having the courage to go outside the lines. Right? 🙂