I looked forward to 2009 with such fervor! My calendar is reworked to provide time for business maintenance and growth and I have new products and programs moving forward. Not far into the New Year the promise of a personal retreat waits for me, with time for warm sunshine, writing, and visiting with friends. I am geared up and ready to roll, to maximize my business, enjoy personal time, and faithfully use my new Wii fit every day.
Ten days ago I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I have spent the last week on IV’s, swallowing pills, taking breathing treatments, and being so weak and woozy from medicine that I could barely remember what day it was. My focus on business and revamped personal time was gone. My new Wii fit lay silently down a set of stairs I could not even walk without starting to black out. My ability to fly off to my personal retreat has been in doubt. I had reactions to the strong antibiotics and turned beat red from the steroids. For a few days, I struggled to find enough breath to even breathe deep for the doctor’s stethoscope. Honestly, I am as ill as I have ever been in my life. One night, I regretted that we hadn’t yet gotten around to updating our wills.
I was thrown right into the business of being ill. And you know what? I found that some of my business skills came to very good use. I had to be decisive even though a little fearful. I had to be diligent and committed to follow through. I had to revamp my daily plans to include the unexpected and deal with delays. I needed to rely on a different team of people – but I still needed a team. And most of all – oh MOST of all – I had to continue learning to let go. Let go of wanting to do it all myself, let go of the irritation that comes from not getting to do exactly what I want to do when I want to do it. Let go of the fear of disappointing clients who have long waited to work with me. Let go of looking weak to the world. Let go, let go.
As I have slowly come back to the water’s surface, able to breathe a little more easily, I realize that I have drafted new chapters of books in my head and envisioned a whole new way to do workshops. While my body rests, my mind’s ability to create has continued, and even benefitted from the not-busy, quieter days. Letting go didn’t mean oblivion and total lack of achievement. It meant healing and a new creativity, all in one. My life and my business have continued to thrive. Seems like I’ve benefitted, even from pneumonia. Amazing!