Small business owners and want-to-be business owners sometimes find that those who love them don’t want them to step out and become self-employed. This week a reader wrote to me and said:
It’s funny how people close to you will doubt what you are doing and if it makes sense. Why is that? Is it because they are afraid of failure? Is there such a thing as failure? Why does our culture believe it’s OK to succeed but not to fail? Haven’t most successful people failed at something???? Isn’t that part of success? Everyone wants me to stay in my previous work because I was successful in it……it was really the opportunities that I had and the people who surrounded me at the time. It’s a different time and place now, and I don’t want to do that anymore.
You are quite perceptive and right to ask those questions. Here’s my answer to you, sir, and it’s a little bit long. People doubt what you are doing because, as you correctly stated, the people you love who are close to you are afraid of failure…and they project their own fear onto you. So, they can drop feeling fearful for themselves and feel it for someone else. That’s a whole lot easier for most people to live with.
Also, sometimes, people do not want to be around someone who fails because it brings their fear about their own life to the forefront – so they try to get you to do anything and everything ‘safe’ so that (unconsciously) they do not have to face their own fears.
Here’s the deal about failure….almost all millionaires have failed a zillion times before they’ve made it big. There actually IS no failure, only feedback. You already know this, you said it to me when you reported on your first try at your new business. You said then, “I didn’t sell anything, but I learned a whole lot and make good contacts.” You turned what your lovers would call “failure” into feedback.
To me, the only “failure” is when people get feedback and then never act on it, curling up into a little ball and saying “I tried something ONE BIG TIME and it didn’t work, and woe is me, I cannot even dare to think about trying it again a little differently.” That, to me, is abject failure. Abject failure’s cousin is stupidity. Stupidity is doing the same thing, and getting the same feedback over and over again, and never changing what you are doing but still expecting the result to be different.
You could be “successful” in your previous work because the timing was right and you were challenged and interested in doing it. That was then. It may come around again, who knows? But right now, your vision for yourself is for this new business. So let your lovers keep their fear to themselves, and you stay true to your own vision.
That’s my answer to my reader. But this comes up, frequently, for small business owners who are already in business, much less for those new to being self-employed. You can get help from my e-book How To Get Support For Your Business from Your Spouse, Family, and Friends. It answers the fear question, and more! Check it out here.
Jennifer Bourn says
February 22, 2012 at 6:36 pmOh Sue – I’ve been there! When I first started my business, not everyone in my circle of family and friends were happy for me and excited for me. I was “advised” several times to stay in my current job or to get a job! Thankfully Brian was always 100% supportive and it was his encouragement that got me to make the leap in the first place.
I think those who weren’t supportive were uncomfortable and they somehow needed me to have a normal job to make them feel comfortable again. One was stressed out and worried about stability for our income, another just didn’t want me to fail … what I realized is that their “advice” really had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with their own fears and insecurities.
Sue Painter says
February 22, 2012 at 6:54 pmJennifer,
Exactly! I’m glad you took the leap of faith – look at you now!
Sue
Lisa Manyon says
February 18, 2012 at 9:26 pmSue,
Thanks for sharing. All the more reason I’m so grateful for my entrepreneurial tribe.
Write on!~
Lisa
Jeff Brunson says
February 17, 2012 at 8:44 amYour post brings up the whole thing on “fear of success.” I actually had to face that one. Still do. As I think about it, at the core of this one is probably the fear of failure. Or maybe the lack of self-trust that one will actually learn from a so-called failure and turn it into a builiding block for success.
Sue Painter says
February 17, 2012 at 9:00 amJeff,
Yes, thinking of failure as “not failure” is the secret.
Sue
Trudy Scott, Food Mood Expert and Nutritionist says
February 13, 2012 at 6:33 pmSue
Very profound and plenty to think about! these are take-aways for me: “almost all millionaires have failed a zillion times before they’ve made it big” and turn failure into feedback and act on it!
Trudy
Sue Painter says
February 13, 2012 at 8:09 pmHi Trudy,
Thanks for your comments. You are an implementer, for sure!
Sue
Tiffany deSilva says
February 13, 2012 at 2:49 pmGreat post, Sue. I think entrepreneurs are a rare breed that most other folks don’t get. I think most loved ones are trying to protect you from, not only failure, but also struggle. Entrepreneurship is hard work. Many people find it much easier (and safer) to “just go get a job” or stay in one that makes you miserable. But for those of us who have the entrepreneurial spirit, that just won’t do.
Sue Painter says
February 13, 2012 at 8:10 pmHi Tiffany,
I totally agree that entrepreneurs are a rare breed, and sometimes it does seem easier to go get a job. But like you said, just can’t. 🙂
Sue
Mary Ellen Miller says
February 12, 2012 at 2:34 pmThanks Sue. This story really hits home. I know that for a long time my own husband was very afraid for me to go out on my own. It helps to read your article to better understand what is going on in their heads. I think now that I have been in business for three years he is fine with it.
Sue Painter says
February 12, 2012 at 2:43 pmMary Ellen,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. And look at you and what you’ve added to the world!
Sue
Mary Ellen Miller says
February 12, 2012 at 2:54 pmThanks for your sweet support Sue! I loved this post so much I’ve sent it out to my twitter and Facebook peeps. Terrific!
Sue Painter says
February 12, 2012 at 2:58 pmOh, thanks, Mel!!!!!
Bill Painter says
February 12, 2012 at 11:47 amGreat post. If you don’t make mistakes, you don’t learn anything and don’t get to reach your full potential.
Sue Painter says
February 12, 2012 at 1:36 pmThanks, Bill. 🙂
Katherine C. H. E. says
February 12, 2012 at 10:58 amGreat, thought-provoking post, Sue! And, so true! Those around us often want to keep us “safe” where we are. The great Unknown can be scary. It takes a special personality to see beyond the current reality to a brighter future. XOXO, Katherine.
Sue Painter says
February 12, 2012 at 11:28 amKatherine,
I love that phrase “the great unknown.” Have used it all my life, laughing, wondering what’s ahead. XOXO to you, too.
Sue